the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
