How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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