I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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