In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
