I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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