I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
