I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
