Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
