I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
God, I missed his penis.
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