He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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