Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
