Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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