it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
