Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
