I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
