So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
