her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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