lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have grass duct taped all over my body
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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