His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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