I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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