i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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