the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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