I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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