tonight lets celebrate not being married
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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