i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We talked him into tasing himself.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
