I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
