it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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