guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You are a genius and a whore.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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