I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
