My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize