i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
