they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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