Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
