omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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