Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
