Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I still have a little drunk in my system
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
