Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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