I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
