I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
