then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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