watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
True strength comes from lack of pants
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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