I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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