i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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