i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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