So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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