New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
