Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize