What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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