I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
