I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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