at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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