I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
