As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We're too hungover to prance.
A+ Viking dick
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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