Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
