weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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