I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
