I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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