At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
