Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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