so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
