put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
