i can't believe i had my finger in that
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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